Since I am currently unemployed and haphazardly looking for
a job, I’ve been identifying my skill sets. Here are a few I’ve come up with so far.
Procrastination: While lots of people claim this as a skill, my own expertise in this area is quite impressive. For one thing, I have nearly 50 years of experience in procrastinating. Nearly every project, task, chore, job, or assignment I’ve ever had was completed after a strong round of procrastination. The key to my success? Procrastinate just enough to get everything done by the deadline. That way no one else really knows how much or how little I’ve procrastinated. I’m like a stealth ninja procrastinator.
Rationalization: This skill set is intertwined with my procrastination skills. After all, if you’re fretting about procrastinating while not doing something, you haven’t really mastered the art of procrastination. I’ve developed the ability to provide myself with a perfectly good reason for not doing whatever I don’t want to do. For example, if I don’t want to grade papers (and really, who ever does?), I tell myself that it’s not fair to the students to grade their writing if I’m cranky or tired or have a headache. (And whenever I have to grade papers, I am always cranky and tired and have a headache, so I never have to
lie to myself, an important point in avoiding guilty feelings.) If I don’t want to exercise . . . well, I live in Michigan! The weather almost always provides a rationalization no-brainer—it’s too hot, too cold, too wet, too windy, too snowy. Easy peasy.
The ability to do nothing: I know many people believe they always need
to be doing something. I’m even related to some of these people, but I’ve worked hard to overcome this tendency. My favorite saying is, “Sometimes I sits and thinks and sometimes I just sits.” I don’t even care that this is completely ungrammatical—that’s how much I like this saying. I can just sit(s). Not a problem at all. Of course, that’s socially unacceptable so I invented the whole alien abduction thing (see first blog entry) to cover this up, but now I’m ready to step forward and declare this one of my strongest skills.
A good sense of humor: Don’t underestimate the power of this skill. It’s allowed me to put up with massive travel delays, disappointed hotel desk clerks who say, “Oh, you’re Cindy Crawford,” and endless hours of bad instrumental versions of my favorite songs while on hold waiting to speak with someone somewhere about a problem I have that they
probably can’t help me with anyway. Why, it’s even allowed me to post this funny look at my skill set in a public forum where a potential employer can read it. See, future possible employer! Isn’t this funny? Wouldn’t it be great to have me around?
Whew. I’ve worn myself out with this in-depth look at my skill set, so I’d better take a rest
and do nothing before getting on with my job search. I definitely need to be at my best for that . . . .
Okay, the title is misleading. There are no thrills here. Sorry. Couldn’t resist the rhyme.